What’s the deal with recovery? Let’s get some things straight.
“I know it’s rough now, and I promise, it’ll all be worth it when you’re in recovery.”. Anyone who’s been in any form of treatment for an eating disorder has probably heard some variation of that sentence at least ten times. While there is some truth to the phrase, it can also not be very helpful. What is recovery? Why should I care about it? Is this “amazing” recovery actually going to solve all of my problems? I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve asked yourself something similar throughout your own therapy journey. I think the eating disorder community needs to spend some time talking about true recovery, not just the parts that look good for social media. Especially because, just as everyone’s eating disorder is different, recovery also looks different for everyone. So let’s get some things straight about recovery.
Let’s go ahead and get the big question out of the way: what is recovery? You’ve probably heard this word so many times, but not too many people expand on what recovery could be. Ideally, when thinking about what your recovery from an eating disorder looks like, it’ll include breaking ties with your eating disorder. Other than that one crucial part, the rest of your recovery can be up to you. When discussing this with my clients, I tell them that as long as what they want respects and honors their body and who they are as a person, pursue it and incorporate it into your recovery. The point of recovering from anything is breaking free from something that had an iron-clad grip on your life; to break away from the rigidity and black-and-white thinking that was dictating your life. Recovery shouldn’t perpetuate the rules you’re trying to walk away from. Ask yourself, “What do I want my recovery to be like? What do I want my life to look like?”. Just because someone says recovery has to look a certain way, doesn’t mean they’re right.
A hard truth about recovery is that once you get there, things won’t magically get easier….at least not at first. One message I’ve seen frequently circulated on social media is that life becomes easier without the eating disorder hanging around. While that’s true, that’s not something you’re going to experience right away and that’s fine. Some things may even get more difficult. It’s absolutely normal and doesn’t mean that you failed at recovery or that it wasn’t worth working towards. A tip I share with clients is to try as hard as you can to not compare your recovery journey to someone else’s. The things that brought you to, and kept you in, your eating disorder are unique to you, so the challenges you’ll face in recovery will also be unique to you. For example, if your eating disorder is tied to a chronic illness or food allergy, managing that has to be part of your recovery journey. Someone who doesn’t have to navigate a medical condition may not have to worry about needing to check the ingredients before choosing what to eat, or worry if eating something may lead to a flare. In time, you’ll get used to life in recovery. It’s okay to hit some bumps along the way.
I’m going to throw another recovery cliche at you, but I think it’s such an important one to remember: recovery isn’t linear. It’s also messy. Think about all of the things you’re unlearning, relearning, or maybe even learning for the first time. In a way, your entire worldview and experience of your life is drastically changing. Find the spots during the journey that feel like a nightlight, that remind you why you’re choosing recovery in the first place. Why is being recovered important to you? If you know the “why” behind all of this it will make working through this process easier because now you have a concrete goal that you’re working towards, rather than just being “recovered” which can feel very vague. Even if your reason why is not going to treatment, never having to supplement a meal or snack again, or even getting to cut down on provider appointments so you can get your free time back, it all counts. Expect to have to have some slips, lapses, or even relapses. You’re still making progress towards recovery as long as you get back up again.
So to answer the question we started out with, recovery gets to be anything you want it to be (as long as it respects you and your body!). I know that can be a scary, and maybe even frustrating, thought. Maybe you feel like you’ve been treading water in all this eating disorder stuff and you need something to cling onto, a lighthouse to swim towards, and here I am telling you that you have to build the lighthouse yourself. Up until now, your eating disorder has been building your lighthouses; designing them from top to bottom without your input. Those are not the lighthouses we want to be swimming towards anymore. Recovery gives you the opportunity to think about what you actually need while also giving you the tools to meet those needs. If your recovery means loving the way your body looks, respecting what your body does for you, or even just not flat-out hating your body all the time, it counts. Build the lighthouse that will get you towards that goal and then swim (mindfully 😉) towards it.
Always cheering for you!
-Megan
